Saturday, October 30, 2004

Bin Laden Rocks Da Mic!

Bin Laden dropped another joint yesterday on the eve of the presidential election with a timing that at the very least would make a junior studio exec wet his or her pants. It almost begs repeating that the man has a $25M bounty on his head. I mean even R. Kelly had to switch his game up a bit. Not OBL, he takes the whole thing in stride like the biggest pimp on the block.

Orwell Has Just Rolled Over . . .

The 2003 Nobel Peace Prize winner, Iranian lawyer, Shirin Ebadi is currently fighting the Department of the Treasury's Office of Foreign Assets Control (OFAC) to publish her memoirs in America. The OFAC regulations specifically forbid the publication of works by authors in Iran, Cuba and Sudan unless the works in question have already been completed before any American is involved. Americans may not co-author books or articles with authors in the embargoed countries and may not enter into "transactions" involving any works that are not yet fully completed -- even though authors, publishers an agents generally must work with one another well before a new work is fully created -- and Americans may not provide "substantive or artistic alterations or enhancements" or promote or market either new or previously existing works from the affected countries, unless they obtain a specific license from OFAC. Violators are subject to prison sentences of up to 10 years or fines of up to $1,000,000 per violation.

Friday, October 29, 2004

100,000

To be an American is to live with a colossal sense of entitlement. The Red Sox are crowned World Champions without ever having to the leave the country. This is America afterall. The myth we tell ourselves is that this is the best life can get, that nowhere has it been done better. This is the bright shining city on a hill. This is God's country. And so it is clear that 100,000 lives lost on the other side of the world for a mistake (if not a lie) is merely cost of doing business. Are we not God's representatives on this earth? Is this not our world anyway?

Ain't God American?

Thursday, October 28, 2004

Rudy To Troops: Screw You!

The "Nation's Mayor", Rudy Giuliani weighed in on Ammogate by laying blame where he saw fit . . . with the troops. According to Rudy, "The actual responsibility for [the missing ammunition] really would be for the troops that were there. Did they search carefully enough? Didn't they search carefully enough?" And with that, the presidential aspirations for one Rudolph Giuliani officially went up in smoke.

Now For Act Two

You knew it was bound to happen. A small band of merrymakers with the decidedly not so merry name of the "Al-Islam's Army Brigades, Al-Karar Brigade" claims to have possession of the missing explosives and, get this, they plan on using them. The Al-Karar Brigade was so kind enough to release a video to this effect. Damn those insurgents, so crafty with the media manipulation. When did everybody get so damned smart? Can't we just fast-forward to the end?

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

Um, What Weapons?

As you no doubt know by now the administration is at pains to explain how some 380 tons of high grade explosives went poof and disappeared. Three days into this shitstorm POTUS has declared that his administration is looking into the controversy. Talk about a day late and dollar short. What I can't understand is this, the Iraqis have been in "control" since the June handover. How come they noticed the missing ammo in four months and U.S. couldn't realise it in twelve?

Saturday, October 23, 2004

Ever Been Played for the Sucker?

No?

Well the Saudi's are funding the insurgency. To paraphrase Kool Mo Dee, "How ya like them now?"

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Shh . . . Stop Scaring the Draftees!

The head of the Republican National Committee has sent a cease and desist letter to Rock the Vote asking that it stop its campaign stating that the GOP is about to reinstate the Draft.

Well maybe if the War Party would stop preparing to draft the medical personnel, kids wouldn't be so freaked out. Mish kidda?

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

What The F**K?

Doing his best to scare the shit of anyone within earshot, the highest ranking member of PFLAG, Vice President Dick "Made Ya Jump" Cheney asserted that there is a distinct possibility that an American city may be attacked by terrorist using a nuclear weapon:

"The biggest threat we face now as a nation is the possibility of terrorists ending up in the middle of one of our cities with deadlier weapons than have ever before been used against us -- biological agents or a nuclear weapon or a chemical weapon of some kind to be able to threaten the lives of hundreds of thousands of Americans. That's the ultimate threat. For us to have a strategy that's capable of defeating that threat, you've got to get your mind around that concept.''

(Cheney also added: "Dammit rednecks, what more do I have to tell you to get you scared? I know. More Black people are coming! Black people, I say.")

Here's a question. If the risk is so great, shouldn't he do something about it. Like now?

Sunday, October 17, 2004

Ohhhh Reilly.

While we were all recovering from the now solidified realization that our commander-in-chief is a few fries short of a happy meal, now comes word of the Fox News Sexpert Bill O'Reilly channeling Ron Jeremy for the benefit of certain lucky women in Fox's employ.

Boys and girls, there is a God . . . .

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

Ok We Get It. Enough Already

We are drowning under the weight of an avalanche of evidence that Saddam (shock) did not have a viable weapons program since 1991. Thanks George. But I don't know what to get you.

Poll Results? We Don't Need No Stinking Poll Results!

CNN pulls online poll results from the Vice Presidential debate. Ahh, the soft squishy center of fascism. Which way is the internment camp again?

It's Official: Cheney On Crack

How else can you explain Cheney claiming to preside in the Senate most Tuesdays when the record clearly shows that he was someplace else? Mr. Veep, please put the crackpipe down. In the inimitable words of Whitney Houston, "Crack is Wack!"

That Sucking Sound You Hear? That's Your Future

Giving new meaning to "No Child Left Behind", federal law now requires all schools receiving federal funding to provide a list of its juniors and seniors to military recruiters, unless mommy and daddy object.

Draft? Don't be silly.

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

And the Award For Unfortunate Headline Goes To . . .

. . . the Associated Press for "Amendment Banning La. Gay Marriage Tossed"

Kids, unless you are trying to cut back on caloric intake at your local McDonald's, may I suggest that you politely decline all offers for a tossed salad?

Friday, October 01, 2004

Polska!


May We Never Forget

During last night's debate, in a stirring bid to assuage the hurt feelings of the Polish community , our commander in chief gallantly rallied to its defense with a cry not heard since a little man from Vienna first set his sights on the world:

YOU FORGOT POLAND!!!

Bravo Mr. President, bravo.